I am on my own until Halloween, Shad is in New York on business until right before the kids go trick-or-treating...hope he makes it back in time! We carved pumpkins with the kids yesterday night before he left and they seemed to enjoy it. Emma kind of tortured her pumpkin trying to make a spider but I saved it by having her just do a sideways face! Not bad...she was pleased! We made homemade pumpkin spice donuts and the kids seemed to enjoy the whole day. The doughnuts were not too bad either. Kenzie went this weekend with some friends to the Hannah Montana concert which, if you don't know who she is what rock have you been living under??? Or maybe you don't have kids..and your world doesn't revolve around High School musical, and Hannah Montana and Dora and Diego (some of our best friends!) Anyway..life was amazing for her on that day and I am glad she got to go! Tonight she is sleeping over at a friends house with 3 other girls...I always worry about the drama between these girls. They can be so mean to each other...Was I like that? Was I that mean? I hope not. Also, I have developed a new addiction to Grey's Anatomy. Originally it was something to watch on the elliptical but then it became a hunger deep inside..and I am now up to date and ready to watch my first current episode on Wednesday...I guess my life is that boring. Seriously! LOL My elliptical machine broke about two weeks ago, the same day I got into a car accident and did 3000 dollars worth of damage to my Chevy Venture...that was a good day. The elliptical requires a part that is 78 dollars and I only got the thing in May! ARGH! This is the second time it has broken and it is a Nordic track....this is not happy. I cannot not exercise during the holidays! So today I went running several miles and am hoping very badly that I have not 1) gotten shin splints and 2) hosed my knees again. I am going to try Cindy full on again tomorrow..I have just been doing the weight portion of The Next Challenge every other day because my physical therapist told me no lunges. Why does everything have to be so freaking hard! I just don't want to be fat! I hate fighting the urge to eat 24 hours a day every day. I keep thinking, at some point this has got to get better but it doesn't. Everyday I fight. I will keep fighting but it is hard and I get so tired of it sometimes. Dr Phil said that you don't have to have willpower to lose weight and I am sorry but that is a load of crap! The only way I am where I am is because of my willpower and personal strength. That is the fight...everyday, ever hour. FOOD. I just have to keep telling myself no. People ask me all the time how I did it, they want some magical pill or statement and I wish I had one...just hard work I tell them, they look discouraged. I wish I could offer some huge idea or something monumental but to anyone trying to lose weight or get healthy and stay healthy I say one thing, FIGHT. Fight like you were fighting for your life, because in a lot of cases I think you are. I know I was and am. I am a food addict in recovery, but I will always be a food addict and the hard thing about that is that you have to eat to live. You don't have to smoke to live, or drink or do drugs to live. You can quit that anytime but not eating. Every day you have to wake up and put that addictive substance in your body, look at it, fight it...anyway...I have rambled off in a weird direction tonight...sorry about that. Just telling it like it is..trying to remind myself how important this journey is to me! I am posting carving pictures..enjoy!
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