Do you ever wonder if somehow your complete un-coolness and/or utter un-likeability has somehow rubbed off onto your children and wished with every piece of your aching heart that you could clean it off of them forever? I do. I do. I do!
See -- I was uncool in high school, uncool-er in most of middle school and then in elementary school I was the least cool you can imagine. (standing on the equator un-cool) And now, I'm a Mom. I look at my beautiful daughters every day and they are the best thing I have ever done in this life. They are works of art that have worth beyond what I could ever measure. But the world tells them they're not. My heart breaks.
For some reason I can't explain or fix, they always seem to be the odd girls out. The ones not invited or included. The forgotten friends. The ones that sit alone at lunch and wonder why they aren't as good as all the rest. My deepest darkest fear is that it's because they belong to me. What else could it be?
They are amazing, they are beautiful, they are fun, they are funny, they are wise, they are kind, they are interesting.....yet, they aren't enough for all the other girls at school/church. I can tell them these truths all I want but when they've called every single person in their phone on a Friday and Saturday night for the 80th consecutive week and they're still sitting home alone they don't believe me. They believe them. I have failed. It does take a village to raise a child.
We will be moving within the next year. Hopefully in the next six months or so and I have the same secret hope I've had every time we have done this in the past(which actually hasn't been that much) I hope they can fit in. I hope they can be valued and feel a part of things. I hope they don't dread going to school and sitting alone at the lunch table while other groups of girls (who know better) laugh together nearby.
I do what I can to help them remember the truth about who and what they are but it is hard especially when I'm riddled with my own private guilt at believing this is somehow my fault anyway. Because I was uncool I didn't know how to teach them to be cool.
How do you combat the lies the world wants to tell you and your children? Maybe I'm alone in this. I've really put my heart out here for this post because I truly want to know what you think. I feel bared and vulnerable posting but I'm looking for ways to help my girls. I'm sure I'm alone in this but if...just if--you have anything to offer about how your were raised or what you do please share.
THIS \/ is what they NEED to know! Thanks guys for saying it!
See -- I was uncool in high school, uncool-er in most of middle school and then in elementary school I was the least cool you can imagine. (standing on the equator un-cool) And now, I'm a Mom. I look at my beautiful daughters every day and they are the best thing I have ever done in this life. They are works of art that have worth beyond what I could ever measure. But the world tells them they're not. My heart breaks.
For some reason I can't explain or fix, they always seem to be the odd girls out. The ones not invited or included. The forgotten friends. The ones that sit alone at lunch and wonder why they aren't as good as all the rest. My deepest darkest fear is that it's because they belong to me. What else could it be?
They are amazing, they are beautiful, they are fun, they are funny, they are wise, they are kind, they are interesting.....yet, they aren't enough for all the other girls at school/church. I can tell them these truths all I want but when they've called every single person in their phone on a Friday and Saturday night for the 80th consecutive week and they're still sitting home alone they don't believe me. They believe them. I have failed. It does take a village to raise a child.
We will be moving within the next year. Hopefully in the next six months or so and I have the same secret hope I've had every time we have done this in the past(which actually hasn't been that much) I hope they can fit in. I hope they can be valued and feel a part of things. I hope they don't dread going to school and sitting alone at the lunch table while other groups of girls (who know better) laugh together nearby.
I do what I can to help them remember the truth about who and what they are but it is hard especially when I'm riddled with my own private guilt at believing this is somehow my fault anyway. Because I was uncool I didn't know how to teach them to be cool.
How do you combat the lies the world wants to tell you and your children? Maybe I'm alone in this. I've really put my heart out here for this post because I truly want to know what you think. I feel bared and vulnerable posting but I'm looking for ways to help my girls. I'm sure I'm alone in this but if...just if--you have anything to offer about how your were raised or what you do please share.
THIS \/ is what they NEED to know! Thanks guys for saying it!
Comments
Oh, PS, I have memories of you when I was a child and I thought you were beautiful and very cool. You let us play hang man in primary :)
And how embarrassing is it to post right under your own daughter. It must look like I'm stalking her or something... But it's probably more like we both have the same cool friend.
I completely get what you're saying though. The heartbreak I felt whenever my kids felt that they weren't "enough" was huge. But then... a couple of years later... the amazing women they both became made all that heartache totally moot.
Being a mom is so hard! And with six daughters?... well, I seriously don't know how you do it! Your girls are all so gorgeous and you are one amazing mom! And so I'm pretty sure they will all end up just fine. Hang in there and just enjoy every moment of of each one of them. Surprisingly, it all works out in the end.
In the meantime, I really enjoy your writing.