Mom....Of...The....Year.

Paige broke her pinky finger!  Isn't that sad!?  Yes, I think so.  

The worst part about this, for me anyway, is my award part of it.  Yes folks, January 21, 2012 and I'm already looking to win "Mom of The Year."  What qualifies one for such a high honor?  

Well, just this: So, Paige started mentioning sometime last week that her finger hurt, that even her wrist and the side of her hand was bothering her.  As much as I love this kid, she kinda complains a lot about things in general, so being always busy cooking, cleaning and the like I kind of said, "Oh, I'm really sorry honey but I'm sure you'll be okay."  It was mentioned, in passing several times.  

Sooooo...fast forward to last night when Paige was kinda whiny and tired and the like before Shad and I went out for a late dinner.  We were in our bedroom watching TV (it's date night!) She came up and kind of crying told me, "Mom!  My finger REALLY hurts and it's swollen and bruised!"  I said, "Come here, let me see this finger!"  She did.  I paled.  

The finger in question was rather swollen, black and blue, and generally not looking like a finger that should have been ignored for three days!    I felt terrible!  Also, just to add icing on the cake, I asked her how she knew it was "swollen."  I mean, does a nine year old know what that means?  She responded and said, "Oh - yeah, my teacher looked at it and told me."  Wow.  I'm all kinds of awesome.  And her teacher knows it.

She was very tired last night and it was late so I took her to the doctor this morning and they X-rayed it and found a little V-shaped brake just below the second joint.  It's splinted and will be for four weeks.  And I.....well, I will be a better, more attentive Mom in the future!  

I "pinky" promise. :/

Weighty matters.

Even if you do.

Right?

SO, anyone who knows me, or has ever read this blog knows that weight is my mountain.  I lost 154 pounds and kept it off for over two years.  Well, due to many circumstances(including CRAPPY, crappy health UGH!) I have put back on quite a bit of poundage.  I've decided recently (due to my self-hatred regarding this) that I am going to get healthy again.  It's never really been about the number on the scale or on the tag on my jeans but it's hard to not think and or fixate on this.  The bottom line is, right now...I'm a mess.  I'm unhappy with my life as it is and it's time to reclaim my control.  Being overweight is not good for me. Period.  End of story.

I wish it was easier.  I have SO many obstacles, more now than ever, but I am armed for the task and at this I MUST not fail.  I need to be the champion of my past. No. I WILL be the champion again. My weight is not WHO I am so why does it affect me SO much?  When I'm like this I feel like people cast quick judgments and even if they don't, I do it myself, for them.  I feel like I'm not worthy of friends.  Who would want to be my friend?  I feel like everyone else is better than me.  I feel like I embarrass my children and my husband because of the way I look.  I feel, well defeated.

The sad thing is..as hard as I try to not make this about the numbers my girls might believe otherwise.  They hear everything I say, but worse, they SEE.  This morning my four beautiful elementary school girls surrounded me at the breakfast table as I fought to get my MAJORLY unwanted bowl of oatmeal down.  Last time around I did a lot of things the wrong way.  I acknowledge that and think that is one of the reasons I believe, I never reached my goal weight.  I did a lot of just not eating, especially skipping breakfast.  I'm trying not to do that, and it's hard.  But anyway, I told my girls as I finished that I was going to get healthier if it killed me.  

At the sink as I washed my emptied bowl out I overheard my beautiful Jillian say, "Mommy wants to be skinny.  Skinny. Skinny. Skinny. That is good."  My heart broke a little.  I corrected her, "No, Jillian.  Mommy wants to be healthy.  I want a healthy heart."  I even went so far as to explain about your heart pumping and everything.  In the end I hope she heard me.  I don't want my girls to battle food the way that I do.  Every day. Every breath.  It's SO exhausting.   

So, how do you instill in your children the importance of being healthy without making it about weight?   When it comes down to it, it IS A LOT about weight.  How do I help them overcome this battle that I wage?  How do I change my own mind so that I believe it isn't just about the number as well.  I know they will hear what I say to them, but I know they will hear what I don't say to them even more.  And, at the end of the day, I'm trying to lose weight.

So, now that I've shared publicly my embarrassment at gaining to begin with I'm laying out some ground rules. If I write them here you(my 1 or 2 readers that is) can all hold me responsible. Right? 

RULE #1 NO skipping meals.

RULE #2 ABSOLUTELY NO skipping meals (AKA starving myself.)

RULE #3 See 1 and 2.

I wonder if you can tell what I did last time?  It is what it is.  I am not my past.  I am my future.  

PS....please comment.  I'd love to hear other people's opinion on this.

Hats Off.....er -- On??

To Kenzie! She and I went to Target late one night last week and we had to wait around for our prescriptions. Now, I've always said and thought that my Celia would be my "fun" one as far as her love of jewelry, accessories, makeup, hair, fashion, etc. I think I may have been too quick on that assumption. It turns out Kenzie is just as fun and she's awesome good fun to shop with. It's awesome to see how everybody has different personalities but that doesn't make one better than the other and it's a fabulous thing to realize how wonderful that can be! What fun we had with our hat fashion show! What a fun "nearly sixteen year old" daughter I have been blessed with! :D

Why just drink out of a cup.....

When you can quadruple-sip from a vat?? Yes, my kids are sipping Sierra Mist from straws out of a huge bowl. Why? Well, because....they....can. In an attempt at healthier snacking for the kiddos I spent Saturday afternoon slicing apples and then soaking them for 10 minutes in Sierra Mist. This(according to this here interwebs)prevents browning without affecting the flavor of the apples. And after I was done with that the children begged to drink the remaining beverage out of the soaking bowl. I thought it was nasty, the water didn't look all that appetizing to me afterwards but they were all about it....so, against my better judgement, I let them. But I gotta admit, they are pretty darn cute! :D

Beauty...

Is in the eye of the beholder....and I think these girls are the very meaning of beautiful. Kenzie has got amazing artistic talent and she took this picture a few weekends ago and then edited it amazingly well. I just, absolutely, unequivocally, love these beautiful girls and all they bring to my life as their Mother. They each have a different personality and it's great how their personalities show here in this snapshot of our life!

Still Alive!

It's been a YEAR! Oh man - how does that happen??? I don't know, maybe it's being Mom, Wife, Friend, Chef, Laundress, Author-Wannabe....maybe, just maybe?? So, I'm gonna be better, I promise. I'm back and I'm gonna be A LOT better! To start off fresh I thought I would post the girls school pictures. I only have the four younger girls because the older girls had picture days while we were in Michigan for my brother's wedding and we don't have them yet!

Emma Claire is our big 6th grader this year. It's her last year in Elementary School and I think she's pretty happy about that. She's 11 and fabulous!

Paige Kat is now 9! Her birthday was last Friday(October 7) Paige is in 3rd grade! Wow!

Jillian Danielle and Becca Grace are 6 1/2. They are in first grade, which is completely unbelievable to me. It's a whole new world for me having no kiddos at home during the day! I kinda like it though!

Here's our lovely Celia Anne, who was super excited for her first day of 7th grade. She's thrilled to be in Middle School and feeling grown-up! She will be 13 on November 9.

And of course Kenzie Ciarra, who was extremely thrilled to have this photo taken of her on her first day of 10th grade. She is attending Herriman High School this year and seems to like it so far. Fingers crossed! She will be 16 November 21! Still no learners permit so she won't be getting her drivers license but hopefully she'll get that permit soon! In Utah the law says she must have it for 6 months in order to apply for a Drivers License.

So, That's us......and now we are current! I'll be here again soon! Promise!

On her honor...

She will try! Emma has been in Girl Scouts for several years ad she had a great time. Look at all she did! We are kind of sad it's over but she sure had fun while she did it!