Shad is so proud that he built what he calls the Christmas Fortress. He kept saying. don't you love my fortress, aren't you excited about it..etc., etc....I was excited that the girls won't be able to destroy the tree and ornaments this year but I have to say that I do not find this particular setup as festive as past years. LOL Anyway, I thought, how sweet, he wants to preserve the tree but then the truth was made clear when he put up the train. He wants to protect the train! His polar express Lionel train set, his one and only time a year he gets to play trains. This poor man, who runs a website for model train hobbyists and has for over 7 years now only gets this one time of year to put up his train and play with it. How sad. He wants to put them in the garden but due to costs every year it never gets done, he has no room in the house to have trains during the year but he has this one month per year that he can play trains and indulge in the hobby that he most enjoys. I guess I have to give him that pleasure. The girls love to sit and watch the train and he loves that the most of all. I feel so bad sometimes that he will never share his wonderful hobby with our little boy. I always thought we would have that son but, sadly, this was just not to be. He is a good man and the least I can do is let him do this one thing. Maybe he will have lots and lots of grandsons to play trains with some day....He sacrifices so much for our family and I just hope he knows how much it means to me. He is my gift, year after year and I am truly blessed all year through to have this amazing man in my life. I try so hard not to take him for granted because I know what it is to have an unhappy union. In my first marriage, I truly don't think my ex-husband was a bad man, or that he wanted to hurt me. In fact I know he did not ever want that. I think he was a good man but he just didn't have what I needed. If you don't have something you certainly can't give it to someone else. I wish him happiness, so much. I know there are so many divorced people with bitterness towards their exes but I just don't feel that way. I think we are two very different people and no matter what we did it was not going to work between us. Not because we didn't want it to, but because it just wasn't meant to be. I am not sure why my mind went here today but again, this is my place to write how I feel so, sorry if you hate reading..LOL It makes sense, so much sense. Shad tries so hard to make me happy and is such a great Daddy to our girls. I try to remind myself of this so I can cherish him all the more. He has what it takes and he gives it every day. Anyway, I hope he gets enough enjoyment out of his train to last the whole year through or that we can afford to do more with it next year or in years to come so that he gets more than this one month a year!
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